It’s easy to lose faith in love when all we hear about are red flags and awful, cheating jerks. But leave it to Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco’s relationship to reinstill hope for what a healthy, loving romance can look like.
Obviously, none of us know the details of their private, intimate lives. But between their interviews, social media posts, and now their joint album, I Said I Love You First, we’ve all gotten a glimpse of why the internet is so invested in this particular romance. Ironically, it’s not because of over-the-top gestures or flashy displays of affection that we’re used to seeing between celebrities. On the outside, Gomez and Blanco’s partnership seems refreshingly relatable, at least from what they’ve said online: vulnerable yet safe, romantic without being cheesy.
Sure, a famous duo has far more resources than the average couple. And of course, no relationship—no matter how cute—should be put on a pedestal when we can never know what goes on behind the scenes. But still, there’s something to be said for celebrating perceived green flags when we see them. From the way Gomez and Blanco openly support each other to more subtle, easy-to-miss strengths in their dynamic, here are a few skills we can take away to raise our dating standards too.
1. Making each other’s happiness a priority.
Relationships aren’t just about being happy individually. Blanco and Gomez make it a point to actively lift each other up. In fact, it’s the very first thing the Grammy-nominated music producer says he does when he wakes up.
“I think to myself, How can I make Selena’s day better?” Blanco said on the On Purpose With Jay Shetty podcast. “Because that makes my day better…and I know when Selena wakes up, the first thing she’s thinking is, How can I make his day better?” It’s what Blanco calls a “give-and-take” dynamic—which, according to relationship experts SELF previously spoke with, is a major bonus in any lasting romance.
2. Building trust through reliable actions and affirming words.
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, but it’s not easy to build. It requires you to be vulnerable, let your walls down, and make some compromises, which is why it’s so important to have a patient partner who makes the process of opening up a little less overwhelming.
As Blanco explained to Shetty, “I had to find a way to build that trust with [Gomez], not being overbearing but make it feel real and make her actually believe it and vice versa.” One specific way he does this? Reassuring her with a simple text like, “I’m going to this next thing. I’m thinking about you,” whenever they’re physically apart.
“I know what she needs to succeed, so I’m going to help her succeed,” Blanco added. “She wants to talk to me before she goes to bed, she wants me to say, ‘I love you,’ she wants me to text her if I wind up having to stay somewhere two hours late.” It may not sound like much, but intentional gestures like these can really make a person feel safer and more supported.
3. Expressing your love through thoughtful, personalized gestures.
Of course, Blanco’s bougie bathtub filled with queso isn’t exactly in the cards for us regular folks. But the couple continues to prove that showing love doesn’t require you to go big or spend large. Because Gomez isn’t a “flowers girl,” for instance, the Open Wide: A Cookbook for Friends author skipped the traditional Valentine’s Day bouquet and spoiled her with something more meaningful: fried pickles, her favorite snack. He even admitted to having a friend from Vegas bring him separate ingredients to make Gomez a Whataburger (“It is my favorite in Texas,” she explained on The Tonight Show), since the fast food chain isn’t available in California. And what’s more heartwarming than knowing you’ve got a soulmate who pays attention to the tiny details that make you, you?
4. Reframing conflict as opportunities for growth.
“Conflict” doesn’t exactly sound like something anyone wants in their relationship. However, Blanco and Gomez have a refreshingly mature way of handling rough patches. Rather than argue, “I feel like we just have conversations,” Blanco said on Shetty’s podcast.
As SELF previously reported, romantic success isn’t about never disagreeing but tackling hurdles as a team. For some couples, that might involve using “I" statements to communicate your frustrations, becoming a more empathetic listener, or giving each other space. “[Gomez] will go, ‘I’m feeling a little irritated, and I need 25 minutes,’” explained Blanco, who’s happy to give her that time.
5. Respecting each other’s boundaries and personal space.
Being codependent isn’t a positive thing, since it’s important to maintain your independence and tend to your other relationships too. At the same time, though, you understandably don’t want a dynamic in which you’re barely seeing or talking with each other.
Navigating that sweet spot can be tough, but Blanco and Gomez seem to have found the perfect balance. “I don’t have to be on top of her every second. She doesn’t have to be on top of me every second we’re together,” Blanco told Shetty. “We’re both highly independent people, but we’re both little mushes who need to be attached at the hip.”
6. Making it a point to appreciate each other every single day.
Especially in long-term relationships, it’s easy to accidentally take your SO for granted. However, Blanco makes sure his fiancée knows just how much she means to him: “I want her to know that every day, I don’t take anything for granted,” he told Shetty. “Last night, we were in the pool…and I was just like, you’re so beautiful. And I don’t mean that just physically. You can feel it—there’s a ring, an aura around her that exudes warmth.”
This sentiment is one that Gomez says she appreciates too. “I actually feel valued. I feel seen. I feel respected,” the Sunset Blvd singer told Interview Magazine. “He gets so weirded out by me saying this, but genuinely, 10 years ago, I wasn’t in a space in my life where I could have accepted the kind of patience, the kind of unconditional love that he gives me.”
7. Letting each other shine without feeling threatened.
You might love being with someone successful, talented, or inspiring, but it’s also easy to get intimidated or feel “less than.” In a healthy relationship, there’s no room for competition: You’re a team, after all, not rivals—and Blanco and Gomez (two certified hitmakers) seem like the perfect example of this.
While speaking to Interview Magazine, Blanco revealed, “There’s no ego between us. She’s praying for me to win, and I’m praying for her to win.” Gomez, too, is on the same page. “I’m beyond proud to know that there is someone in the world that deeply cares about every tiny detail about who I am and have someone support me, encourage me, inspire me, and motivate me,” she said on CBS Sunday Morning after Blanco was labeled one of People Magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive.
It’s no wonder why the world is smitten with this unlikely pairing. Celebrity or not, that’s what any strong partnership is about—lifting each other up and celebrating each other’s successes.
Original article appeared on SELF
