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Without huge penises and howling orgasms, is real life suddenly a massive letdown?
I vividly remember the first time I saw porn. I was 12 or 13, at a friend’s house, when we stumbled upon a pack of ‘novelty’ playing cards. The image on the 10 of diamonds was my first encounter being 10cm away from a man’s groin, and I never imagined it would remind me so much of my mum’s well-hung horse. We screamed, laughed, burned red – then spent weeks earnestly planning how to become nuns so we’d never have to deal with the human equivalent of a stallion’s fifth leg.
Of course, the nunnery never happened; instead, horse schlongs popped up in more places – in crumpled magazines in boys’ university dorms, then on the internet – until the porny penis became the norm. Friend of the zoom lens, it seemed there was nothing that its XL size, XL girth and XL stamina couldn’t do. In porn, women laughed, howled in a good way, came explosively and, to put it biologically, expanded.
It’s easy to dismiss these images as not being real life, but a new study looking at porn’s influence on 333 men and 668 women found that what we see on-screen very much impacts what we think will happen on-mattress. It’s what the study calls “higher partner performance expectations among women” – in simple speak, confirming that women feel frustrated when we compare our own sex life with porn. “Intercourse is shown to last longer than average [in porn], men sustain erections longer and women experience orgasms more easily than in real-world encounters,” explains study author Kaitlyn Goldsmith.
Instead of the money shot, we can come away short-changed. Or feeling like we’ve been mis-sold – as Marisa, 28, found. “Porn does absolutely nothing to prepare a woman for the reality of a large 🍆. There’s this conviction that women want a large c*ck. In porn, size is worshipped. But in reality, it’s not going in. No way – not with tears of joy (tears, maybe). I once tried to navigate an extremely large penis and felt ‘faulty’ that we weren’t getting anywhere. Now I listen to the majority of women who say average is great.”
Aimee, 27, was taken aback by her partner’s un-porn-like reaction to anal sex. “Anal was something he was desperate to try and, call me naïve, but I just assumed he’d love it. I’ve only ever heard of men loving it – that’s all you associate with porn,” she admits. “But it was not the case at all. When he suggested using rubber gloves, I felt mortified, unclean and like I could cry.”
For others, porn breeds a kind of ‘self-serving sex’ that isn’t built with women’s orgasms in mind. Michaela, 30, was disappointed after sleeping with a male friend who she’d liked for a long time. “In bed, he was extremely selfish: basically, pinning me down while he finished off. As he cleaned himself up, I even jokingly said, ‘Er, don't I get to come as well?'” she describes. “Thing is, he’s not a mean person. I know him well. But it was like we had our sexual slot and it was baffling to him that I hadn’t come in it.”
So, does our frustration have a solution? Expanding our porn viewing to incorporate real-couple sex alongside actor-sex is certainly helpful (and there’s lots of it on all the big sites). It may not look high-gloss, but that’s the point – to see what sex looks like when women aren’t being paid to smile and screech through it.
But perhaps the best way to view porn is to think of it like fake news. Consume it, but be very careful what you believe.
Taken from GLAMOUR UK. Read the original
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