Arguing is an indication of wanting to communicate something – often something close to your heart. While many issues can be resolved through peaceful discussion, other conflicts can provoke anger, defensiveness, resentment and other strong emotions.
Studies show that constructive arguing can actually develop and deepen the mutual understanding and fulfilment in a relationship. However, it is important to understand your communication style, because a poor communication style can be extremely destructive to your relationship.
The good news is that if you do genuinely value, respect and care for your partner, you can break the destructive arguing-based cycle and you can learn to argue constructively.
Assess your relationship:
Read the below to find out if your arguments are deepening the divide between you and your partner, or deepening your mutual understanding and fulfilment from your relationship.
If you:
Are able to resolve
the issues that you and your partner face
Are able to move on
quickly without feeling personally attacked
Experience a sense of relief
from having resolved the issue
Both feel that you emerging better people
after an argument
Are developing a better understanding
of each other
…Then congratulations – your argument style is constructive and you are on track!
If you:
End up feeling bitter and frustrated
Feel deeply hurt
afterwards
Find it increasingly difficult
to resolve issues
…Then it’s time for you to seek professional help. That way, you’ll be able to develop a constructive communication style and hopefully, save your relationship before there is “too much water under the bridge”.
For more of Ali Murray’s books and DIY fixes, click here. Ali is hosting another one-day workshop which will enrich your relationship. Through the sharing of real-life stories, practical skills and tools that work, the ‘Weekend Relationship Reboot’ will help you achieve a deep, rewarding relationship. The workshop takes place from 9am – 5pm on the 27th August in Parkmore, Sandton. The cost is R1 750pp (R1 500 for 3 + group bookings).
Want more great advice from Ali? Here are 5 relationship warning signs to look out for and how to tell if you’re in lust or in love.
