Dearest Child
The date was 2 January 2011: the first and only time I dreamt of you. How clearly I saw you in my rearview mirror; I had just pulled on to the highway, my mother and sister in the car ahead of me, and there you were: a little girl of about six or seven, standing alone by the roadside. You wanted to say goodbye.
I brought my car to a standstill and got out. I went to you and picked you up, holding you tightly in my arms, and pressing you against my breast. I could feel the shape of your small form. And I cried.
I realised that I would upset you and tried to stop. But I could not. You asked me why I was crying. And I said: “I am going to miss you terribly.” Then I woke up. And it was with a sense of absolute loss. I wanted to continue crying because of the heartache. But I realised that I was awake. I had to stop. It was just a dream. And it struck me how the dream was devoid of any sensory detail, how it seemed as if you were frozen in time. Later that day I wrote down my dream, as I usually do. And thinking back on your image, I realised that you were the daughter of a university friend of mine. She had named her daughter after me. The small girl’s name was Zarine.
It was my younger self standing there, being left behind: my inner child. My first session with a Jungian analyst in Cape Town was on 8 February 2011, a month after this dream. And it was you we discussed. And the message you brought me. You showed me the way. You showed me that I, the adult Zarine, had to go back to where the six-year-old was symbolically left behind beside the road – as if she had been abandoned in the same way that people would leave an unwanted pet behind when driving away from a roadside picnic spot. I had to go back to you.
This dream showed me when I lost you. When I lost myself as a six-year old. And once I started grieving for you, I was able to start dealing with the loss. I had to feel you, not think of you. And once I started feeling you, I was able to regain my own feeling side, which I had suppressed ever since I was small.
By commencing a process of analysis, I embarked on my own Heroine’s Journey: the journey we undertake when our own psyche guides us toward individuation, to becoming the self we were meant to be. This is an inward journey into the core of our being, where we start collecting the pieces of ourselves we’ve lost along the journey of life. And in this process – for, yes, it’s a process: a circular one, where we often find ourselves at the same place we’d been before – we get to know ourselves. Along the way we collect ‘weapons’ to endure along this lonely, often challenging journey: we recapture elements of who we were, we discover our own strengths, we collect people who become allies and friends and we discover the treasure: the lost child.
And here I am, speaking to you as if you were an adult. But maybe that is what you now are: a grown woman – no, a mature woman – standing side by side with me and taking life on together with me. Today I honour you, and I thank you and the journey of more than a decade we’ve been on since 2011. And although I cannot in all honesty say that I’ve completely recovered the child I must once have been, I can say that I’ve been working on recovering the spontaneous, childlike side of me that I lost in the process of losing you. I am working on regaining the sense of wonderment that is natural to childhood.Most important: my journey with you has prepared me for helping other women to connect with their inner child, recovering their lost selves.
Dear Little One
As I write to you, I’m filled with a warmth and tenderness that comes from years of growth, self-discovery reflection. There is so much I want to share with you, reassure you about, and celebrate with you. Your journey will be filled with challenges, triumphs, and everything in between. Here are some things I want you to know.
First and foremost: you are enough.
Just as you are, with all your quirks, dreams, fears and imperfections, you are more than enough. There will be times when you doubt yourself, or feel you need to be someone else to fit in. But I promise, the people who truly matter will love you for exactly who you are.
Embrace your curiosity and never stop asking questions. Your inquisitive nature will lead you to wonderful discoveries and opportunities. Don’t be afraid to explore the world around you, to dive deep into your interests, and to follow your passions. It’s okay to be different and to forge your own path.
Life will present challenges, and sometimes it may feel overwhelming. In those moments, remember it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to face it alone. Lean on those who care about you; don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Strength isn’t about never falling; it’s about getting back up every time you do.
Hold onto your creativity, sense of wonder and unique perspective. These are precious parts of you that will bring joy not only to you but also to those around you. Don’t let the world dull your sparkle or convince you that you need to conform.
You will make mistakes; that’s okay.
Each one is a lesson to help you grow and become wiser. Forgive yourself when things don’t go as planned. Move forward with open heart and resilient spirit.
Believe in your dreams. The road to achieving them might not always be clear, and you might have to take detours you didn’t expect, but don’t lose sight of what you’re striving for. Your dreams will guide you to your true self and purpose. Remember to take time for yourself.
In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s important to pause and reflect, to recharge and reconnect with your inner self. Your well-being is crucial, and self-care is not a luxury but a necessity.
Lastly, never forget the power of kindness, to others and yourself. You have a beautiful heart; your compassion is one of your greatest gifts. Share it freely, but remember you deserve the same love and care that you so generously give to others. Keep shining, keep growing, and keep believing in the magic within you.
My Inner Child
Although healing my inner child has been fundamental to my journey of liberation, there are always new levels that call for deeper healing. This is a crucial part of the work that I do with my clients, forming part of a bigger transformational journey.
In the very beginning of my healing journey, the first message I shared with my inner child was that it is safe; she is safe and I am safe, and we are doing this together, so she never has to be alone again.
My latest message that I want her to know is that it is okay to be weak. She has been so strong all her life that she is allowed to be weak. Weak is not a bad thing; it’s a necessary portal to step through. I must say, this is a recent realisation for me, and there is still some level of discomfort around allowing myself to be weak. What I am excited about is the deeper support that I will open up to. This is one of the places where our power lives, in being able to lean into sacred support. We do not have to do it alone. It is all about co-creation.
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