Do you lead with your masculine energy, and low-key wondering how it would feel to take a step back and lean into your feminine energy? Wellness Coach, Melisa Lainn affirms that not only is it possible but that there are benefits to pulling from both energies.
First, we need to understand the law of Polarity, that everything has both masculine and feminine energy within it, regardless of sex or orientation, asserts Melissa “Nature requires both masculine and feminine energies in equal amounts to thrive. Our world, and our feeling of fulfilment, require us to pull from both energies in any given situation,” she says. Further noting that we have the potential for the full spectrum of energies to manifest, both light and shadow, both wanted and unwanted, both creative or destructive, think yin & yang symbol.
Glamour: How would you define feminine energy?
Melissa: Personally, I would describe the feminine principle as the spark that brings life. It often manifests as (but is not limited to) the cycles and rhythms, nurturing, creativity, intuition, compassion, and the knowing of the interconnectedness of all things. I have found feminine energy is not passive but dynamic and life-giving. Feminine energy tends to have a dynamic nature, being both gentle and fierce, tapping into their instinct and also allowing life to flow. I think this dynamic nature of the feminine principle tends to confuse most of us, as we forget that it's the reason many traditions associate the Moon with the feminine principle, due to its natural rhythms and cycles. Feminine energy, in the context of holistic wellness, represents qualities such as nurturing, intuition, empathy, creativity, and receptivity. It's about being in tune with all of your emotions, embracing vulnerability, and fostering deep and real connections. This energy is not exclusive to women; it exists in all individuals regardless of gender identity.
Glamour: How do I tap into it?
Melissa: Tapping into feminine energy is natural for all of us, we do it many times throughout the day but just lack awareness. Firstly, be aware of the differences between the two energies then start cultivating self-awareness and allowing yourself to be more in touch with the more feminine aspects such as your creativity, your natural rhythms, your emotions, your intuition, your inner world, and receptivity. Begin to allow yourself to include fewer "doing" activities and more "being" activities such as mindfulness, meditation, spending time in nature, creating for the sake of play or having fun, dancing, mindful eating, spending time in or around water, daydreaming and future visioning, etc. Spending time in nature can also aid in connecting with your feminine essence. One of my favourite ways to tap into my feminine essence is by being aware of my body. Is my body stiff or relaxed, are my muscles pulled tight making me hard or are they relaxed and soft? Is my body language open and receptive or guarded and closed off? Is my brow furrowed and tense or am I relaxed, trusting, allowing?
Glamour: How do I know when I'm in my feminine energy?
Melissa: You know you're in your feminine energy when you feel a sense of flow, ease, and openness. Your actions are guided by intuition and compassion, and you are receptive to both your emotions and the emotions of others. You may also find yourself engaging in activities that allow you to express your creativity freely. You embrace diversity and are aware of the oneness of all things.
Glamour: Is it possible for alpha females to lean into their feminine energy? What does this look like?
Melissa: Absolutely! But I will start off by saying that the concept of alpha females is not necessary anymore, females have a wide array of energy to tap into and it's simply someone in a leadership position. Embracing feminine energy doesn't mean compromising strength or ambition. For women who are in what used to be deemed more "masculine" roles such as leadership, high-powered, etc roles, it involves finding a balance between assertiveness and receptivity. It's about understanding that creativity, vulnerability, and empathy are powerful tools in leadership. Embracing feminine energy allows all women to create more meaningful connections, allow for diversity, foster creativity, understand the rhythms and cycles of life, and lead with compassion.
Glamour: From a relationship perspective, with regard to “alpha females” who struggle with beta male energy. Would you recommend avoiding this dynamic altogether or is there a way around it?
Melissa: As for the notion of Alpha females struggling with Beta male energy, it's important not to limit individuals based on such terms. When it comes to attraction and a spark, we need tension and we need opposing masculine and feminine energies no matter what the gender identity is. When two people have different sexual energies, like one being more masculine and the other more feminine, it can create a strong attraction between them. It's not just about physical attraction; there's something deeper here! This contrast in energies allows for a beautiful dance of connection and a strong bond. Embracing this unique polarity can bring a special spark to the relationship, making it more fulfilling and harmonious for both partners. So, celebrating the differences in energies can truly ignite the passion and intimacy in a relationship! But it is up to the individual to decide what is the foundation of their relationship dynamic and what works for them. There is no right or wrong, simply what brings two people the most healing and harmony in my opinion.
Glamour: What are the benefits of leading with feminine energy?
Melissa: Leading with feminine energy can bring a sense of harmony and understanding in relationships, be it personal or professional. It fosters better communication, and emotional intelligence, and promotes a more nurturing and inclusive environment. By incorporating more feminine energy, individuals can experience more creativity, tap into 'flow state' more often, reduce stress & tension due to rigid demands and improve overall well-being. Knowing when each energy is needed is key!
Glamour: What are some of the factors that make it difficult for some women to tap into their feminine energy?
Melissa: Social conditioning, cultural expectations, and traditional gender roles can make it challenging for some women to connect with their feminine energy. Pressure to adopt more masculine traits in certain environments to ensure their own safety, success, and progress can lead to a disconnection from one's authentic self. Additionally, past experiences of trauma or emotional pain might create barriers to embracing vulnerability. Personally, I had to adopt a more masculine role from a young age growing up without a father in the home. I wasn't taught the strength and creative power that lies within the feminine and believed that being more strong and looking after myself meant being hard, rigid, and frankly more masculine. I now understand that I needed both and that both are beautiful and welcome to exist within me.
Glamour: Is it possible to lead with both the masculine and feminine?
Melissa: Absolutely! True holistic wellness comes from embracing both energies within ourselves. It's not about choosing one over the other but integrating both in a balanced way. By acknowledging and honouring both aspects, we become more whole and authentic in our approach to life.
Glamour: Please list some practical ways to help women tap into their feminine energy?
Melissa: It's fantastic to discover what helps you as an individual activate (remember it's already within you) your feminine energy, but some of my personal favourite activations are:
- Practices like meditation, deep belly breathing, or yoga to foster self-awareness, and a deeper connection to your body (because that's where your emotions and intuition communicate with you) and release and let old, stuck energies and emotions flow from your body.
- Creative expression is key! Explore making art, singing, dancing, and moving your body in joyful ways, journaling or creative writing, and doing all of this for fun, play, and simply because you're a creator. No goal or bigger purpose, just create!
- Return to Momma Nature. Spending time in nature, especially in or near water to ground yourself and feel a deeper connection to the world around you is so powerful. Nature embraces diversity, yet is very aware of the oneness that is everything in existence, Nature flows, follows rhythms and cycles, and takes great care of all the creatures. She is still the shining example of the feminine.
- Care, deeply. It is so easy to fall into the trap of me, myself, and I, but allowing yourself to care deeply about things, other people, nature, life, and the planet and then allowing that energy to flow out from you is a great way to activate your feminine energy.
- Connect. Feminine energy connects and has the ability to form deep relationships with friends, family, or a community. Spend time with people with no agenda, simply to take care of each other and support each other along this weird and wonderful journey of life. Not everything needs to be transactional, remember that the feminine nurtures and nourishes without expecting anything in return.
Glamour: What type of situations require a more masculine approach? Do you recommend this?
Melissa: That will absolutely depend on the individual and how you choose to show up in the world. But, you may want to be aware that if you’re struggling with things like executing your goals and dreams, getting and staying motivated in tasks, making decisions, not having a stable relationship with money, not being able to set and keep boundaries or you become completely overcome with the emotions of others, you’re really impulsive, chaotic, or feeling lost, you might need to tap into your masculine energy more.
It’s also worth noting that if you believe you’re wired a certain way because of your gender, Melissa asserts that masculine and feminine energies are not limited to gender. “Embracing both energies allows us to experience greater wholeness and spiritual growth. The key is to find harmony and balance within ourselves and our interactions with others, so there is no 'right way' to go about activating your feminine or masculine energy, it's an individual and unique journey and should be seen as such,” she concludes.
Melissa’s Top 5 tips for tapping into your feminine energy
1.Embrace vulnerability. It is powerful to learn how to allow yourself to be open and authentic with your full range of emotions and then extend that wisdom to others' feelings too.
2.Practice self-compassion. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Most of our self-judgement comes from wanting to be, do, and have more instead of allowing and embracing the here and now, which is more feminine.
3.Cultivate creativity. Our society has disconnected from creativity unless we can sell it, or make money from it it sometimes feels. Engage in creative activities to activate the feminine expression more. Your inner child will thank you.
4.Honour your intuition. Learn again how to trust your inner guidance and how to tap into your instincts. It's your internal navigation system and was given to help you navigate this journey.
5.Seek balance between the energies. Embrace both masculine and feminine energies to have a bigger experience of life, to enjoy the benefits of both, and to be able to balance yourself out when you notice that you're depending on one too much. Remember you always have the power to choose again.
Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés is a useful resource. Melissa recommends it as a captivating and empowering book that draws on myth, fairy tales, and cultural stories to explore the innate wildness and instinctual nature of women, its most authentic and unbridled form.
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