1 Those strangers over there look nice. I’m going to make friends with them.
2 Just having a little breather here in the bathroom. It’s quite nice actually, cool and calm. Just going to let my cheek rest against the marble counter. Ah, that’s better. Sleepy now.
3 Wow, he’s much more handsome than I remember. And if I say something funny, he might just kiss me…
4 Ooh, my face looks really weird in this mirror. I want to touch it. Ooh, is that even me? I feel sad.
5 So hungry. Where’s the toast? Where are the Kellogg’s Frosties? Only tomato purée? It’ll do. Or how about making soup with this stock cube?
6 Turn up the music! Everybody dance! Hey, you – dance!
7 Ahm goin to be bit l8ate bunt lol itss hs been such funny night lol I radlly lve you!!!
8 I need you to hear what I have to say. I know that we broke up two years ago, but this is unfinished business. Clearly we still have feelings for each other. You don’t really love that pregnant woman.
9 Hey, I know all the words to this rap! I’m so gangster – now hand me that mic.
10 Was this my drink? Doesn’t matter really now, does it. Hmm, champagne. Nice.
11 Beyoncé’s ‘Single ladies’ is so me! I know every move… or at least that one with the fists.
12 Wow, this is such a cool ashtray. Let me just slip it into my handbag.
13 What? Who says I’m talking loud?
14 You love this top? You should have this top. Really, here! There you go.
15 You know those knickers that tie on the side. Well, I’m wearing them. Wanna see?
Want tips for looking put together after a crazy night out? Read these morning after beauty tips. And if you might have sent something you shouldn’t have, read our comprehensive guide to drunk-dial damage control.
