Lesedi Molefi’s written debut provides a profound look into his experiences within a mental health facility and the obstacles he encountered. Motivated by his mother’s personal battles with mental health, his memoir reassures readers that it’s okay to not be okay
With refreshing honesty and effortless prose, Patient 12A encourages readers to remove their masks and embrace their true selves amid their struggles. Speaking on the inspiration behind his debut memoir, which contains first- hand accounts and reflections, Lesedi shares, “My mother silently battled a deep mental health struggle in a way that alienated us and made it feel impossible for us to know her and to help her. She was also driven by shame to not share her own history and pain.
I wanted to share the sort of awareness around mental illness in the context of everyday ‘normal’ relationships that I wish I had when I was confounded daily by my mother’s struggles.” He believes that if he and his sisters had been more informed about mental health, they could have been better equipped to support their mother altered the course of their lives. After being admitted to a psychiatric clinic in 2016, Lesedi thought to create a ‘survival guide’ to protect and affirm the next child who might go through similar experiences. “I believe many South Africans are living through a quiet mental health crisis. I know that most of us can’t access the kind of quality private healthcare we need, so I wanted to make the tools I learned more publicly accessible by inviting people to travel into the clinic and into the rest of the country with me, through my story.
Lesedi explains that he wanted to break the stigma surrounding mental health and voice a more inclusive narrative, especially regarding men who might be suffering.
Glamour: How did your experience at the clinic influence your memoir? Lesedi: I walked in and discovered a cross-section of ordinary South Africans of all races, genders, religions and backgrounds battling the trauma that comes with being an ordinary South African and knew that this was a story the rest of the ordinary South Africans around needed to see and hear. I knew it would contradict a fear that many of us quietly entertain: that we’re all just imagining it. The pain and grief. We’re not. Many of us are afraid that there’s something wrong us for acknowledging the true extent of our own suffering. But we’re not imagining it. To experience depression is a perfectly appropriate response to the depressing material reality we face. Globally and locally.
Glamour: Your memoir reflects on both your personal history and societal issues. How do you think your experiences have shaped who you‘ve become?
LM: Like Kanye [West] once rapped, “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am. My traumatic childhood was painful, but it’s at the very heart of the man and writer I’ve become. It couldn’t be anything else. My instincts, values, decisions and aspirations are directly opposed to what created my dysfunctional childhood reality. My experiences of cruelty carved out my appreciation of kindness. What I’m not is what I am. As an adult writer, filmmaker and person, I live in a constant resistance to the unnecessary suffering I see everywhere. My tool of choice is words.
Glamour: Mental illness is often a difficult topic within Black families. What challenges did you face in addressing these issues in your memoir?
LM: Yes, it is a difficult conversation in black families. However, to be fair, it’s a difficult conversation in any family. It’s difficult in families of any race or religion. It’s a deeply human crisis. The cross- section of fellow patients I met at the clinic confirmed this. No one is safe. No one should think themselves immune. I hope, by telling a deeply human story about it, I can add some gentleness and light to what is a heavy and dark crisis for people in any kind of relationship and community.
Glamour: In your memoir, you mention filtering out the noise in your head to find the truth. How did this process impact your writing and growth?
LM: I believe that many undiagnosed depressed people use all kinds of distractions to avoid a truthful thought from occurring within themselves. But the truth is, the body simply can’t lie— it will respond truthfully to all of your material conditions and the traumas and violations you suffer as a result. But the mind, on the other hand, [the body] is a skilled liar and the heart is far too talented at deflecting reality. So, I tried to bypass my heart and my conscious mind to listen to my body and subconscious mind, where the unfiltered trauma and emotion we’ve faced is truly stored. It’s helped me accept myself and my family for exactly what we are. To extend them and myself the grace we all deserve in our battles for survival.
It’s also helped me to resist crippling feelings of shame and guilt. And by extension, it’s helped me to embody my most authentic self, which is an indicator of a significantly better relationship with myself. I hope my book will help the reader map out a path to a better relationship with themselves too.
Glamour: How has your time in the clinic and writing your memoir shifted your perspective on mental health?
LM: I believe that we need a concept of healing and therapy that is specific to distinct groups of people with distinct histories and facing contemporary challenges wherever they are in the world. It’s not one size fits all. I used to believe the same kind of therapy would work on different types…
Glamour: What were some of the most noteworthy responses to Patient 12A?
LM: The recurring question from people close to me is “WTF? Really? How did I not know?” And a frequent comment from general readers, is “Thank you for making me want to own my story too.”
Glamour: What do you hope your memoir conveys to readers in understanding mental illness and personal growth?
LM: Be gentle with yourself, mainly, and with others as we all work hard at our attempts to survive. And yes, we’re all involved in one form or another of survival. Once you acknowledge that in yourself and others, the irrepressible humanity (that we must protect) in all of us becomes maddeningly obvious.
Glamour: Are there specific moments in your memoir that you found particularly cathartic or revealing when writing?
LM: Writing about my mom and her enigmatic life cracked me wide open. I’m still recovering from the facts of our lives (my sisters and me) with her. I will never recover from learning about the painful facts of her life. I hope I did her and our story justice.
Glamour: How has sharing your story affected your journey with mental health and self-acceptance?
LM: It’s helped me to defy the stigma and shame associated with ‘coming from nothing.’ That required me to find acceptance for everything that happened, and to be kind to myself as I grow out of the mask that my survival mode enforced on my instincts and self-concept.
Glamour: How would you advise others dealing with similar mental health issues or wanting to share their story?
LM: You’re not imagining it. It’s not all in your head. Your body is responding appropriately to your material conditions. Now, your job is to not destroy yourself nor anybody or anything else. Your job is to be embody your most authentic self fearlessly. The rest will sort itself out. And, please, write that thing you want to write. In any format: literature, music or otherwise. And finally, what I’ve learned from my publisher is that whatever you create doesn’t have to be perfect, only true. I promise you!
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