Introverts, the world over, find social situations stressful because they often feel drained by prolonged social interactions and large gatherings. Here, best-selling author, Helen Nicholson shares her insights to help introverts work and play effectively
In her latest offering, “Networking for Introverts,” best-selling author, Helen Nicholson notes that small talk and quick thinking can be stressful for introverted people. In this step-by-step guide she teaches them to leverage on their skills like active listening to forge deeper connections with this around them. So what inspired her to delve into this area of networking? “I originally studied to be an accountant, and I was completely naïve and unaware how important your personal brand and network was in achieving real career fulfillment and success. I believed hard work, being good at your job and putting in the hours was the key to developing in your career. I hadn’t had the realization yet that hard work, doing a good job and working long hours increasingly become a given in your career- unfortunately, everyone else is doing that too!”
Enlightening that she only learned later that these are not the factors that will distinguish you or give you the promotions, salary increases and job satisfaction you deserve. ”I was also meeting many Introverts in our leadership development work we do, and I had a growing sense that the Introvert skills of listening and following- up are key networking skills. I decided to put the theory to the test- I interviewed 253 Introverts and realised that if Introverts step into their natural super-powers, become better story-tellers and become more intentional about building their personal brand and network, they are destined for great career success.”
Glamour: What are some key misconceptions about introverts and networking that you aim to debunk through your book?
Helen: The key misconception of networking is that it's seen as schmoozing, and the loudest person in the room running around air-kissing people and handing out business cards is seen as a good networker. Both these perceptions are false. The best networkers are curious about other people, they listen well and they follow-up after meeting a new person. Introverts excel at all of these skills.
Glamour: Many people misunderstand what it means to be an introvert. How can individuals determine if they are introverted, and what are some common signs?
Helen: An Introvert is not necessarily shy. The difference between Introversion and Extroversion is about where they derive their energy from. Introversion/Extroversion is based on neuroscience- it’s actually not a choice. The big difference between Introverted and Extroverted brains is that Extroverts have more dopamine receptors in their brains than introverts do. Dopamine is our feel-good chemical which gets a hit whenever someone likes our posts on social media. This means that Extroverts need more dopamine to feel happy because they are less sensitive to it. The more Extroverts talk, move and engage in stimulating activities, the more Extroverts feel dopamine’s pleasant effects. In contrast, Introverts are sensitive to dopamine, so all the stimulation makes them feel overwhelmed and anxious.
Glamour: Could you share practical advice on how extroverts and ambiverts can effectively connect with introverts in professional and social settings?
Helen: They should allow time for Introverts to share their views, without interrupting or talking over them.
Connect more deeply with them in one-on-one settings.
Ask for their opinions and circle back to their opinion at the next meeting. Introverts don’t like being out on the spot- they like thinking things through more deeply.
Glamour: What are some strategies for fostering deeper connections with introverts, considering their preference for smaller, more intimate interactions?
Listen deeply.
Be curious about them.
Ask their opinions- you’ll be surprised at the depth of thought they’ve given to topics they are passionate about.
Glamour: Beyond networking, how can friends, family, and colleagues best support introverts who may be navigating challenging times or feeling overwhelmed?
Helen: Realise that Introversion is not a choice- it’s the way their brains are wired. They need more down-time than ambiverts or extroverts.
Don’t take it personally when they don’t join loud, noisy family functions- they are just feeling overwhelmed.
You’ll have the best connection with an Introvert at a quiet dinner party or carve out on-on-one time.
Glamour: As someone with extensive international experience and a successful business background, how have your interactions with introverts shaped your perspective on networking and leadership?
Helen: We are a strengths based business-and I believe that everyone in our team should have clarity around their strengths and have a career where we lean into those strengths. Realising the brain science behind how differently Introverts and Extroverts process information has been a game-changer for me in building a business and a team. Extroverts have a pin-ball process that happens in their brains- they hear something and the stimulation moves through their brain like an old-fashioned pin-ball game. They immediately are then able to respond. Introverts experience the opposite of a pin- ball brain. They hear something and that stimulation takes time to travel through their brain. That’s why Introverts often say to me- “I thought about the clever thing today when the meeting was already over”
Glamour: You've accomplished a lot, including raising twins as a single mom and running a successful business. How do you balance your personal life with the demands of your career and writing?
Helen: I decided early on in my motherhood journey what legacy I was going to leave my children- what was my mother Personal Brand? I was not a tuck-shop baker mom, because I’m not good at baking. I read voraciously, so that’s something I devoted every evening to reading to my girls. I shared business/entrepreneurship lessons with my girls and we discussed money and budgeting.
Glamour: You've authored two best-selling business books and have a third coming soon. What can readers expect from "Networking for Introverts," and how does it differ from your previous works?
Helen: Networking for Introverts offers the A-Z guide for Introverts to take their careers to the next level. It’s a very practical book- I’ve shared every tip I’ve learned in my 20 year career training people all over the world on improving their networks. I think it’s especially relevant now with Hybrid working and the Covid hangover, where we all became more Introverted.
Glamour: What have been some of the most rewarding aspects of your career journey so far, and what challenges have you faced in promoting the importance of soft skills like networking?
Helen: My most rewarding part of my career is to see people grow and their careers and lives transform. I bumped into one of our previous delegates the other day- she told me that since attending one of our Women’s leadership programmes she’d lost 20kgs, run her first 21km race, gotten divorced and been promoted twice! She was the poster child for taking control of her life. That is very rewarding! Challenge is when people don’t take “Soft skills” seriously enough, I always say” If soft skills are so soft, then why are they so hard.” I call Soft skills Power skills instead, as people’s technical expertise will only take you them so far!
Glamour: Drawing from your experiences as a female entrepreneur, what advice would you give to aspiring entrepreneurs, especially women looking to break into traditionally male-dominated fields?
Helen: Realise that “No-one-is-coming!” to save you. You are the one! I’ve worked very hard to cultivate relationships and networks where both parties benefit from knowing each other. When a network works- it becomes a tribe. I’ve honoured those relationships and if someone doesn’t return that honour then I don’t consider them a tribe member. Then you move on! Swiftly! Maya Angelou has that wonderful quote: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Networking for Introverts is now available in major bookstores, online and as an Amazon Kindle e-book.
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