The best self-help books don’t promise to “completely change your life” overnight. Instead, a truly great one—written by someone who knows their stuff—will gently nudge you towards small shifts that gradually make a major difference. Perhaps after reading a few chapters, you’ll learn how, exactly, to start showing yourself more kindness. Or, you’ll finally have an aha moment about why you’re drawn to the most toxic partners.
But finding a self-help read that genuinely supports your personal development journey can be a challenge: The “better yourself!” market is saturated with self-proclaimed gurus spewing empty promises and recycled advice. Speaking for myself, I’ve scrolled through countless Goodreads reviews and “must read” lists, only to be let down by preachy clichés (“I did it, and so can you”) and moralist BS that left me more frustrated than motivated.
That’s why we did the hard work for you and rounded up some of the best self-help books that SELF staffers and therapists stand by. Whether you’re hoping to strengthen your relationships, be more assertive at work, or just find a bit more joy and gratitude, we hope one of these picks actually helps you level up your life.
1. How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by KC Davis
Anyone who’s been too overwhelmed, busy, or caught up in the whirlwind of life to keep up with their chores knows that maintaining a tidy home can feel impossible. But In How to Keep House While Drowning, therapist KC Davis offers practical, compassionate, and easy-to-follow strategies that’ll make that mountain of dishes, pile of wrinkled clothes, and all the clutter in between seem much more manageable. Two SELF staffers especially love how Davis strips away the shame of having a less-than-spotless space (she shares that she didn’t fold a single piece of laundry for seven months!).
2. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
You’ll find Atomic Habits on just about every “best self-improvement books” list—and for good reason. Unlike all the “instant-success” bullshitters out there, James Clear, a writer who’s been blogging about this topic since 2012, understands that huge, life-altering goals (like starting your own business or overcoming self-doubt) can’t be achieved in a week or two. Instead, Atomic Habits focuses on the power of small (atom-like), consistent changes. Whether you’re trying to build a fitness routine, quit smoking (for real), or even just make your bed every morning, one SELF staffer notes that Clear’s down-to-earth approach makes changing your habits for good feel way more attainable. (You can download the first chapter for free here.)
3. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
A top-notch self-growth book is more than just a collection of tips and theories; the standouts of the genre combine great advice with captivating storytelling, an art that Charles Duhigg (an award-winning New York Times business reporter and writer) excels at. The Power of Habit includes a mix of compelling anecdotes from real people, as told to Duhigg, as well as research to back up why, exactly, we slip into self-destructive patterns—and more importantly, how we can break free from them. And if you’re worried about complicated, scientific, boring jargon, don’t worry: Therapist Hallie Kritsas, LMHC, tells SELF that Duhigg explains these concepts in “an easy-to-understand format” that many of her patients find engaging.
4. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown
How can I really, truly love myself? That’s the question social work researcher and bestselling author Brené Brown, PhD, hopes you’ll be able to answer after finishing The Gifts of Imperfection. By breaking down the biggest takeaways from 20-plus years of research on vulnerability and shame into 160 easy-to-digest pages, Dr. Brown guides you on how to celebrate the little “flaws” that make you uniquely you. And according to Angela Williams, LCSW, “This book is a great introduction to letting go of pressure or expectations to be ‘perfect.’”
5. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie
Dale Carnegie, a self-help pioneer who started as a public speaking lecturer at the YMCA, wrote How to Stop Worrying and Start Living after noticing how many of his students dealt with worry and self-doubt. Drawing on years of research and original interviews, Carnegie crafted this bestseller—which yes, is very old (it was first printed in 1948). But it stands the test of time, according to psychiatrist, Brook Choulet, MD, who specializes in treating people with performance anxiety. It’s packed with “formulas” to conquer different “worst case” scenarios along with actionable steps to shift your mindset, so you can prevent your nerves from sabotaging your well-being.
6. The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People by Rachel Wilkerson Miller
In this 300-page guide, SELF’s editor in chief Rachel Wilkerson Miller gives readers the lowdown on how to be a better friend—which starts with being good, kind, and supportive to yourself. The advice is divided into two parts: how to show up for yourself, and then for your loved ones. The Art of Showing Up tackles all sorts of relatable questions like, How can I be comfortable during my alone time? How do I deal with cliquey friend-group dynamics? And How do I support a buddy who’s struggling? As one SELF staffer puts it, Miller’s compassionate and slightly sarcastic tone makes it an engaging page-turner that’s hard to put down.
7. What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo
Healing from an emotionally tumultuous childhood can be incredibly tough and isolating. Take it from Stephanie Foo, a journalist who was diagnosed with complex PTSD after her abusive parents abandoned her as a teen. Even though it’s technically a memoir, five of the therapists we spoke with recommended What My Bones Know for this list. It combines Foo’s personal mental health journey with expert interviews to unpack the complex realities of processing trauma. (As a bonus, psychologists Sheena Starr, PhD, and Devon Harrison, PhD, suggest checking out the audiobook version, which features dialogue with the author’s therapist for a “very unique window into someone’s personal therapeutic process.”)
8. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes
Not all of us are born social butterflies: Personally, I would panic just thinking about small talk at a party or making a good impression at a job interview. That is, until I bought How to Talk to Anyone. Each chapter taught me how to master the art of casual conversation thanks to quick, easy-to-use tips on how to sit and stand to appear more confident, for example, and the best “ice breakers” to use when meeting new people. I felt significantly more self-assured and in control of my social game after reading this eye-opening resource—which I’ve recommended to friends, family members, and, now you!
9. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Mindfulness has gone mainstream over the past couple of decades or so, and there’s no denying that this gem (written by spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle) played a role in bringing the concept to the masses (as did the fact that Oprah endorsed it many times on her show). The overall takeaway? Dwelling on the past or future will only lead to suffering, and the present moment is the only thing that matters if you want to find peace. It’s a simple concept to grasp, but a difficult one to put into practice. That’s why one SELF editor loves The Power of Now, which is packed with relatable examples and practical tips to make it easier for anyone to start living in the moment.
10. Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection by Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman
All relationships (even the healthiest ones) involve conflict. But Fight Right, a SELF Well-Read Book Club selection, will show you how to turn those clashes into opportunities for growth. The authors, Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, and Dr. John Gottman, PhD, aren’t just world-renowned psychologists: They’ve also been happily married for 37 (!!) years, which makes their insight all the more credible. After reading all 352 pages—filled with fascinating research, helpful how-tos to try at home, and personal lessons from their own lives—you’ll discover the answers to some of the most common relationship questions, like, Is it really bad to go to bed angry? and What does it mean to “win” an argument?
11. How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell
If you have an overcommitment problem (who doesn’t in a culture that prizes productivity?), we’ve got you: How to Do Nothing is the ultimate guide for slowing down and living in the “now”—even when constant emails, texts, and other distractions are hijacking your attention. There’s no overblown “social media is ruining society!” narrative, and according to one SELF staffer, this engaging guide was responsible for making her “much more aware of the world around me, much better at sitting in the discomfort of just waiting in line and not looking at my phone.” (For what it’s worth, Barack Obama also named this book as one of his favorites.)
12. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
Chances are, you know someone who doesn’t give a fuck. Maybe it’s a fearless activist who fights for what they believe in, no matter what. Or a coworker who firmly defends their work-life boundaries. If you admire these types of people, Williams says this book will help you achieve that same bold attitude. “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is something I recommend to my clients who would benefit from learning to say no more often, letting go of external praise, or just being more true to themselves,” she says. Plus, self-help blogger Mark Manson’s unapologetically blunt and hilarious voice (perfectly captured by this book’s provocative title) has sold more than 15 million copies for good reason. So if you’re curious about the hype, you might just have to read it for yourself.
13. Social Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and Connection by Deepa Iyer
If you’re not much of a bookworm, this interactive guide may be more your speed. According to one SELF staffer, Social Change Now is a handy resource for anyone trying to make a difference in today’s divided, unfair world, whether your values include speaking out against racism, advocating for reproductive rights, or raising awareness about climate change. Drawing on her past experiences as an attorney and director at the US Department of Justice’s Civil Rights Division and the Asian American Justice Center, Deepa Iyer outlines a bunch of ways to turn your passion into action—while also offering guidance on tending to your mental health and avoiding burnout. What sets this book apart is the reflection prompts (with space to write your responses), which are designed to help you personalize Iyer’s advice to your own life and priorities.
Original article appeared on SELF
