I’ve never felt more deceived by romance books and movies as I did the first time I had shower sex. I found it vastly overrated. I spent most of the 20-minute experience crouched on top of the rim of a bathtub and clutching the wall for dear life—trying not to injure myself or my then-boyfriend. About 10 minutes in, I caught a glimpse of us the mirror, and I ended up paying more attention to the spectacle of us attempting shower sex than to the sex itself. (True Life: I didn’t fully understand the phrase “out-of-body experience” until I accidentally watched myself having shower sex.)
Still, shower sex has entered our collective imagination as the stuff of fantasies. What’s hotter that covering your partner in soap and making out while the shower head rains hot water all over your dripping wet, sexy bodies, right? Who cares if you fall or get suds somewhere you shouldn’t—shower sex is glorious, right? Right?!
More often than not (in my very personal experience), shower sex is not glorious. It’s kind of anything but. I’ve relegated it to the land of pool sex and sex on the beach—acts that sound super hot in theory but turn out to be terribly uncomfortable in practice. But somewhere, deep down in my soul, I still believe that shower sex can be hot. I want to believe that our collective shower sex fantasies weren’t for nought and that it’s possible to have shower sex that isn’t scary or awkward or painful or dangerous—or all the other adjectives that entered my brain that one time I watched myself have shower sex. So I interviewed experts—two ob/gyns and two sex therapists—to find out how I, and other shower sex-hopefuls, might make the act a little more fantastic. Here, their nine tips.
1. Keep both feet on the ground.
It can be tempting to get creative in the shower. Since you’re in a confined space, your go-to positions may no longer work. And before you know it, you might find yourself attempting to stand on the rim of the bathtub (like yours truly). But Idries Abdur-Rahman, M.D., ob/gyn at Vista Physician Group, tells SELF that keeping it simple is key. “It doesn’t sound sexy, but you and your partner need to keep your feet on the ground,” he says. This will help you maintain your balance, decreasing your risk of falling.
2. Try new twists on old stand-by’s.
If standing isn’t working for you, consider sitting or lying down, Abdur-Rahman says. Depending on the size of your shower, you might even be able to do missionary (which isn’t really very missionary-like when you’re all steamy and slippery, so rest assured you can still feel cool). And at the very least, you should be able to swing some action from the back.
3. If you have a shower seat, use it.
Some very lucky individuals are blessed to have shower seats in their homes. If you’re one of these people, use it to your advantage, Megan Fleming, Ph.D., a New York City-based licensed sex therapist, tells SELF. Play around with seated sex positions, and see if you can find one that works. Remember: It’s way harder to fall when you’re sitting down.
4. Do yourself a favour and buy a bath mat.
This is the one tip I heard over and over again from experts: Regardless of what position you’re trying, you’ll want to invest in a bath mat. I don’t mean one of those soft bath mats you put outside your shower and stand on while towelling dry (though you might want one of those, too)—I’m talking about one of those textured, rubbery ones that adhere to the floor of your shower.
If you’re standing, the mat will help you better grip the floor. And if you’re sitting, kneeling, or lying down, it’ll make your situation a lot more comfortable. (Who wants to do missionary on the cold, hard tiles of a shower floor?)
5. Grip the walls.
Look around your shower. Is there anything to hold onto? Probably not, right? In my shower, my options are limited to the shower head, the knob that turns the water on and off, and a shower curtain—none of which I would trust to support me in the throes of passion. What I do have, though, is a wall.
Miriam Greene, M.D., ob/gyn at NYU Langone Health, suggests that anyone having shower sex use their shower walls for support. Walls are especially great for standing sex, though I’m sure you could find other, more creative ways to incorporate them into your routine.
6. Or, if you’re really committed, consider installing rails.
Some showers come with rails inside that are great for providing support. If yours doesn’t, you can look into getting some installed, according to Michael DeMarco, Ph.D., a New Orleans-based sex therapist. This might be a bit much for someone who’s just looking to get it on in the shower every now and then, but if you’re doing it on the reg—or if you’re more generally worried about falling in the shower—they might be a good idea.
DeMarco tells SELF it’s important to check your rails before using them, though. As with any equipment you’re relying on for personal safety, you should double-check that it’s high-quality equipment and that it’s installed correctly to avoid preventable mishaps.
7. Be sure to use lube—ideally, silicone-based lube.
First things first, water isn’t a substitute for lube, Fleming says. It’ll dry up pretty quickly, whereas an external lubricant will last much, much longer. Fleming recommends a silicone-based lube because it has a thick consistency and tends to be longer-lasting than thinner, water-based lubes. Oil-based lubes are also an option, but they degrade latex condoms. (If finding the right lube is stressing you out, consult our handy-dandy lube guide.)
Even if you do use an external lubricant, you’ll want to be careful—water can wash it away. You might need to reapply lube more often than you would normally to keep things as slick and comfortable.
Oh, and if you and your partner typically use a condom, go ahead and use them in the shower, too. The rules of safe sex don’t magically change the moment you’re covered in water, so take the same steps to protect yourself in the shower that you would outside it.
8. Be…thoughtful when it comes to using soap.
Covering your partner in suds and getting each other squeaky clean seems pretty sexy—until you get soap somewhere it shouldn’t be. Avoid getting soap in your eyes, mouth, urethra, or any other place where it might sting or burn, Abdur-Rahman says. And remember, soap isn’t lube. (For more info on shower sex-appropriate lubes, well, scroll up.)
One last thing: If you drop the soap on the floor, pick it up. This seems pretty straightforward, but Greene emphasized this point a couple of times in our interview. Keeping both feet on the ground (per our first suggestion) won’t do you much good if the floor is covered in slippery soap.
9. And don’t focus so much on penetration.
Shower sex doesn’t have to be about penetration. In fact, Fleming says it can be a lot hotter if you view it as foreplay and not the main event. For one thing, shower sex lends itself well to oral play. It’s also great for touching, rubbing, teasing, and just generally exploring each others’ bodies, Fleming says.
Don’t focus on making penetration work if it seems like it’s not going to. Use showering together as an opportunity to experiment with new sensations and get super turned on—you can always take things to the bedroom after the fact.
Taken from Self. Read the original here.
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