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First dates? Try worst dates!

Text: Nicola Davidson; Photography: Getty Images

October 27, 2017

First dates? Try worst dates!

Dating. It’s not for the fainthearted. Especially when the date of your dreams turns out to be the stuff of nightmares. Our readers can totally relate – so much so that they’ve opened up and shared their all-time worst dating stories with us. Which means that the next time you have a meet-up from hell, just know that you’re not alone!

“I met a very nice pilot online. We started dating and it was becoming serious. But I had some doubts after a while – I could see that he was still logging onto online dating sites regularly. So I created a fake profile of a really gorgeous girl who was ‘in a relationship, boyfriend overseas, looking for a hookup’, and used my friend’s phone number. He called her right away, asked to see her that night, and that was the end of our relationship. But it doesn’t end there! One day I was sitting at a restaurant and a guy at the table next to me (who I later found out was the pilot’s best friend) started telling this story to the people next to him. Eventually, I just had to speak up, and said, ‘Hey, that’s actually ME you’re talking about!’ He blushed and everyone laughed. Then about a year later the SAME guy is at a table next to me in a restaurant again, and is telling some new people the exact same story. So again I say to him, ‘It’s STILL me you’re talking about!’ Wow, he was embarrassed! And of course, the laughs didn’t stop. Weirdest. Coincidence. Ever.” – Anne, 25

“I once had a friend who went on a date with an artist. After a while the artist said, ‘Look this isn’t going anywhere but do you have any toenail clippings for me? It’s for an art project.’” – Marelise, 31

“I thought it was a random night of passion. He thought I was auditioning to be his wife. When I was about to sneak out, he woke up and insisted that I have some tea and look at photo albums of his family. I left his townhouse complex with him shouting that I had just used him for sex. His neighbours came outside to see what the fuss was about, and I didn’t have the code to get out. Eventually one of his now laughing neighbours took pity on me and pressed their remote to let me out.” – Natalie, 28

“I went on a date with a woman who live tweeted the whole thing. I only found out afterwards from friends who knew her. I hate Twitter.” – Megan, 26

“My worst date ever was with a guy who decided to drive out of town with me, saying he had something to show me. It turned out to be his father’s grave. So I had to climb over the cemetery wall, and help him look for the gravesite. He then proceeded to lie on top of it. Needless to say there was no second date.” – Vanessa, 33

“I once borrowed a friend’s car when I didn’t have one of my own, as I wanted to impress my date when picking her up. We went to a movie – probably the worst, most boring movie ever. We left halfway through, and when we got back to the car I realised I’d left the lights on. There was no one around to help me jumpstart the car, so my date had to push it. Finally it started working, but then as we left I mistakenly took the wrong exit into oncoming one-way traffic and had to dodge speeding cars and middle fingers till we were safe. We then went for oysters and tequila at a nearby food vendor – and we both landed up in hospital with food poisoning for a week.” – Jackie, 28

A friend of mine once stayed the night at a guy’s house. The next day he left early for work and she had to use the toilet for a number two – which wouldn’t flush! So she found a colander, scooped the poop out and took it to the kitchen to find something to put it in. When she couldn’t find anything suitable, she went outside to look for a bin. Unbelievably, the door locked behind her so she couldn’t get back in – she had no choice but to go home. Which is why when her date got home later, he came back to a colander full of poop in his kitchen. True story!” – Lynda, 26

Your partner loves you… their friend circle, not so much. Learn how to deal with bae’s besties not liking you here.

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