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What should you do if your sex drive is different than your boyfriend’s?

Text: Staff; Photography: People Images

April 11, 2017

What should you do if your sex drive is different than your boyfriend's?Are things feeling unbalanced in the bedroom? We’ve asked four professionals to tackle this GLAMOUR reader’s question.

My boyfriend wants sex more than I do. We were long distance, and now that we’re in the same city, he’d like it three times a day. I countered with once on weekdays and twice on weekends, but he seemed disappointed. Now I’m self-conscious that my sex drive is low and that we aren’t sexually compatible. What can I do?

— L.C., 28

You should never make a schedule for sex. Sex should be fun and spontaneous, and you can’t promise that you’re going to be in the mood when you’re just not. You could try sexting; you can have that foreplay all day, and then when you see each other, you’re excited, he’s excited, and you can do all of the things you talked about. But don’t compromise what you want. As women, sometimes when we’re trying to please a guy, we forget about ourselves. You can try to meet him halfway, but don’t do something you’re not into. It’s not worth it.”

— Amber Rose, creator of the Amber Rose SlutWalk

Know this cardinal relationship rule: You can’t have a partnership dependent upon the other person changing for you. You shouldn’t have to have sex three times a day to maintain your bond. (And if anybody needs to give, it’s him — he’ll have a harder time finding what he’s looking for.) If you can’t reach an agreeable compromise, all the communication and love in the world won’t change that. So you may need to move on.”

— Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach and co-author of Why You’re Still Single

Sex three times a day sounds passionate, at least in theory, but it’s amusingly impractical. Ask how often your boyfriend really had sex in his past relationships — it will help you figure out whether he has a high sex drive or this is just a fantasy of his. Anyway, you should have sex when you want to. Women are deeply socialised to see sex as a duty they perform for their partners, and who wants to do something that’s a job rather than something that’s fun? It’s important to remember that sex isn’t just to make a partner happy; it’s to make you happy too.”

— Rachel Hills, author of The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Reality

You don’t sound sexually incompatible at all! Twice a day on weekends is pretty close to three times a day. You’ve made a generous compromise; he can meet you in the middle (masturbating more often is one idea). But having a ‘how many times a day’ rule isn’t the best approach to a healthy sex life — try to allow it to happen with fewer expectations.”

— Kristen Mark, Ph.D., a sex and relationships researcher based in Lexington, Kentucky

Taken from GLAMOUR US. Click here to read the original.

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