Are these the worst Valentine’s Day stories EVER?
1 “I’m not big on Valentine’s, so it was fine by me when my boyfriend asked if I’d mind him going out for his mate’s birthday. What I did mind, however, was him ringing at 3am to ask if I’d pick him up because he’d lost his clothes! So, that was my Valentine’s night: collecting my naked boyfriend from town, where he stood loudly proclaiming his love for me.” – Kerry, 24
2 “I went out with the lads last year as we were all single; it was a good night – until I came home and found my parents bent over the kitchen table. And no, they weren’t eating. Scarred for life.” – Benji, 27
3 “I’d just broken up with my boyfriend, so I was going to go to work, keep my head down and try to ignore the day. Which would have worked if my boss hadn’t sent me to hand deliver a huge R3 000 bouquet to his girlfriend. Worse still, I had to walk through town as strangers stopped me to admire the flowers and say things like, ‘He must love you a lot,’ then have to explain over and over that no, they weren’t for me. So much for ignoring the day.” – Lily, 27
4 “As a treat, I dressed up as a sexy policewoman – complete with handcuffs and a plastic gun. I tied my boyfriend up on the bed, then jokingly ‘shot’ him, thinking the gun would just make a sound. Nope, it contained actual plastic pellets – that don’t hurt that much… unless they hit your bare tackle. I’ll never forget his howl… and the lack of sex after.” – Jodie, 29
5 “I work in a hotel that runs a Valentine’s offer: dinner and an overnight stay. I was newly single and wanted to be busy so I signed up to work. What wasn’t in the plan was having to wait the table where my ex was sitting – with his new girlfriend (who I didn’t know existed). Worse still, while they ate dessert, I had to scatter rose petals on all the beds and leave out massage-oil sets. I was literally prepping my ex to have sex with another woman. Fantastic.” – Charlotte, 25
6 “My boyfriend made me an amazing Valentine’s meal, completely from scratch. Later, getting jiggy, I started feeling a horrendous burning sensation down there. Turns out he hadn’t washed his hands properly after chopping chillies. I spent the night with nothing more exciting than a cold flannel between my legs.” – Erin, 28
7 “Valentine’s Day 2011 was by far the worst: I found out I was being made redundant, then discovered I’d been locked out. My housemate was away on a mini-break with his girlfriend, of course, so I had to stay on my mum’s sofa. But only after she’d made me construct a set of drawers from Ikea.” – Philip, 31