Is it possible to keep your friends when you’re in a relationship?
It’s the classic situation. Your friend gets a new boyfriend and suddenly you just don’t see them anymore. They can’t make it for brunch, they’ve stopped being your go-to for life advice because they don’t get your problems anymore and you’re not booking a girls holiday this year because they’re off on a romantic break with their new man.
Depressingly, research has actually shown that on average people tend to lose two close friends when they get into a new relationship. Fitting in friends, family, work and a boyfriend can all be a bit overwhelming. But, we believe that there are ways to manage it.
Here’s our definitive list of DOs and DON’Ts for keeping your BF and your BFFs…
1 DON’T float off in your own little world
Yes, you may well be head over heels in love and want nothing more than to lie in bed all day with Lothario, but you’ll end up feeling cut off from your friends and family – and eventually quite lonely.
2 DO allow alone time for you and your friends
A girls’ night now and again will keep your bond strong. And remember to listen to them and not just wait for your opportunity to talk about your boyfriend. They care, but they’re interested in other topics of discussion, too.
3 DON’T put all your eggs in one basket
Of course, everyone needs to work on a relationship and everyone hopes that when you find someone, they might be the one but as the age old lesson has taught us, honeymoon periods do wear off (even for you). If he really does begin to get on your nerves, you don’t want to have no one to turn to because you ignored all of your closest friends for the last six months. Trust us, it’ll sting eventually.
4 DO make friends with his friends and introduce him to yours
It reassures everyone that they are important in your life and prevents your boyfriend and your friends becoming totally separate parts of your life. Hanging out with other people who love him is also really rewarding, ripe for embarrassing stories, and a great way to get to know him even better.
5 DON’T cancel on anyone
Just because he’s asked to do something, it doesn’t mean you should flake on your friends. Say thank you, and suggest another evening when you are free. Your friends are not a backup plan.
6 DO keep in touch
This is especially if you move away to be with your new love. It’s easy these days with social media, but it requires more than the occasional Whatsapp. Perhaps time to revive the lost art of letter writing?
7 DON’T make him your one point of call
When you pick up your phone to text something funny you’ve seen, send it to your friend instead. Sometimes it’s just a case of remembering to remember them.
8 DO remember to share
Tell your partner what your friends are up to and vice versa. We often confide in our friends about our relationship, but telling him about them can be just as valuable. You wouldn’t want to create a situation where your friends know all about him, but he can barely remember their names.