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12 Only-in-the-festive-season things

Words: Zethu Gqola | Pictures: Neil Kirk

December 24, 2013

1 Pretending the food your sister spent all morning making was great, then asking to take the rest of your meal home to secretly feed to your pets. At least love doesn’t taste like that.

 

2 Forgetting to buy tree decorations and covering a bush with tinsel – your gift wrapping will make up for the decor fail!

 

3 Buying someone crockery as a gift because you forgot to get that thing that they really wanted from that shop… er… what did they want again?

 

4 Wrapping this year’s presents in last year’s paper. Recycling is your gift to the universe!

 

5 Launching into ‘Silent night’ after one too many, only to realise you don’t know the words – it’s been way too long. Oops!

 

6 Running with ‘This is how it’s made in Italy’ instead of ‘I messed this up, so just deal with it’ after burning the dessert.

 

7 Inventing ‘lettuce wraps’ because you forgot about that vegan guest, and the only other food on offer
that’s not ‘barbaric’ is rice.

 

8 Creating a gift registry for the dinner you’re hosting on the basis that you’re 30, single and may never get married. Genius way to get all the things you want this year!

 

9 Not taking down your tree, flashing lights and all, even though it’s the middle of January.

 

10 Wearing that hideous jersey your granny knitted to the family lunch. Loving relatives don’t judge – even when it comes to outrageous crimes against fashion.

 

11 Bingeing like a mad thing. It’s called the festive season for a reason, you know!

 

12 Getting overly competitive during the family game of Scrabble. Beating Gran would be a serious life achievement, people!

… And 3 don’t-even-think-about-it things

1 Pulling away from relatives when they go in for the full-face-kiss-and-cheek-pulling attack. You haven’t seen them in ages and you’re never too old!

 

2 Ditching the family thing for a night of partying. Karma will make sure that you bump into your mom on your hangover-cure McDonald’s drive-by.

 

3 Drinking and driving! Enough said.

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